My friend Jenni C. asked me how I get my kids not to whine. She asked it in the comments and I didn't know if she checked them so I thought I'd post it here.
My trick for whining--same as my mother did: I make them change their tone. I started out repeating their whining request but changing it to a question and in a normal tone. then I'd make them repeat it and then I would give them their answer--and sometimes it was still no.
For example:
Mom Mom i want snack! Get me snack-I want popsicles wah wah wah
So I repeat in a polite tone:
"Mom can I have snack Please?"
Then I have them repeat it exactly like I say it.
then I say: "Yes, what would you like?" and if it's something like popsicles and I don't want them to have it I say "You may not have a popsicle right now, but you can have some crackers"
then if they keep whining I tell them they can whine all they want--in their room. And if one more whiney little tone comes out and put them in their room until they can use the proper tone.
my girls are so used to doing it that if they whine all I have to say is "Mom" and then they reform their question in proper tone and politely
My kids are in no way immune to being whiney brats--however they are not allowed to be whiney brats in front of me--they have to be whiney brats in their room.
That's how my mom did it. She did that with most things. We could throw tantrums all we wanted----IN OUR ROOM. But in front of her was not tolerated. Oh and never in public--we would get a look like "you're going to get it" and we would stop.
My mom made it clear from the beginning that she is an adult and we are kids and we may never address her on the same level. Many people think that treating a kid like a kid makes them feel invalidated blah blah blah. What it makes them feel is that they are safe, and they know where their place is in the world. My mom (and dad) raised 4 confident, respectful, independent, good work ethic kids. Not perfect--we have our fair share of misdeeds, but as for the big picture--they did an excellent job.
Maybe I should start a column "What would Gene and Kathy do?" and people can write in with their parenting questions. That could be fun.
7 comments:
Totally awesomee--I need to do that exactly as you do--I try but alas I give in and let them whine a little more than I should. Good thing for M though--he doesn't tolerate it and has made me such a better parent! Thanks for your ideas--very inspiring! :)
Thanks Jill. I do a lot of the same things, I think that consistency is the key. I'm working on it though and will let you know. Another thing that I love.....when I was little and would scream, my dad taught me how to do it in my pillow in my room. I have taught M this and it works quite well. There are many a day that I still scream in my pillow. Thanks again....I think you're great!
fabulous! i do the same thing when i give them something and expect a thank you, and they repeat "thanks mom." they are really good at saying thank you for dinner , and thank you for ... i think they just need the reminder and practice.
That would be a fun column...
And I have been using the "in your room you may throw a fit" deal for quite a while now. Little L has cut back on crying quite a bit. So I can say from experience that it works.
Great ideas ! I do not do whining!!!!!
I like it. I don't have kids yet though...does it work on husbands?
I'm all for reducing the whining, great tips. I'm gonna start right away, and if Gus can't hang he's going straight to his room.
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