What to do to buy some time off and make up for not moving the elf from it's last position.

Get your friend to write a letter for you.  Like so:


Candland Kids,

I was so excited to hear your Dad read the book last night that brought my Christmas magic back. I have missed you guys so much and was so excited to see how you all have grown! 

You are probably wondering while I was still in the box this morning. I heard Beck throw up last night and I got scared that I might get sick if I came out.  I waited until everyone went to school and when Beck took a bath I snuck out and made it back to the North Pole.

I asked the head Elf Nurse what I should do and he said that I should hang out at the North Pole for a few days to make sure I didn't get sick. Because if I got sick and brought it back here to all the other elves and they got sick--Christmas would be in trouble!  I don't want to risk that.  I will be back in a few days when I know for sure that everyone is well.  Until then--be good!

To Mama Candland--when I get back please whisper to me how the kids have been, I want to make sure they are being good even when I am not around.

I will be back soon!

Squishy hugs and Hershey's kisses!


Zeek

I am a flip flopper

I have changed my stance on an issue. ONE BIG ISSUE :  Government bailouts.

I gritted my teeth when Our Government took over GM.  Government owned companies?  Um, I think that's China's business, not in the good ol' US of A.  Besides, I never saw one Calvin and Hobbs sticker pissing on a GM logo.  Just Ford and Chevy--so G.M. could fade away, or do what EVERY OTHER AMERICAN COMPANY does that is poorly run--it goes into bankruptcy and works its butt off to get back and be profitable.  It happens--look at the Airline industry, they are posting some big numbers this year.

I digress,

But I have flip flopped on the issue.

DEAR GOVERNMENT--PLEASE SAVE HOSTESS.

This is one side where the college aged liberals, women who are PMSing, EVERYONE on food stamps and the all the RED STATE/Don't Tread on Me flag flying Americans can agree.

We can't live without our Ding Dongs.  Or Twinkies.  Or Snow balls.  Or Cupcakes.  Oh my gosh I am getting the jitters just thinking about it.

Obama if you want to do one thing, JUST ONE THING, that will unite the nation--borrow some more money from China (be real--you never planned on paying them back anyway) call it an American Stimulus--and BAIL OUT HOSTESS.  

If I were a political cartoonist

I've tried.  Tried not to blog politics, because that is all I seem to do.  But I have to get all of my thoughts out of my head and onto something so I can do what my kids ask when they said today, "turn off the radio. you keep you keep talking to it and it's just making you angry."

If I were a political cartoonist it my entry for today's paper would be this:

Scene:  Obama standing at the pulpit of his acceptance speech.

Words bubble:  "I hope to sit down with Mitt Romney and see what ways we can work together"  (I'd use his exact quote)

Scene 2:  Obama sitting down with Mitt Romney on a couch.

Words bubble:  Obama speaking, "So what was your plan for the the next 4 years?  Because as you probably figured out,  I don't have one."


I listen to NPR. Everyday.  And so that is where my statistics and commentary come. And this is what I gleaned today from their political correspondents.

The overwhelming majority of people (NPR's exact term not mine) exit polled stated that "They do not like the way America is headed."

The majority of people said that the economy was the most important issue in this election.

Over 50% off those exit polled stated that they thought Romney would do a better job on the economy than Obama.

Hispanics overwhelming voted for Obama despite their unemployment being double that of the rest of the nation.

What stood out most to me was the Economist.  His words were:

American companies are sitting on stockpiles of cash. They were waiting to see how the election would pan out.  Their concern was the effect that Obamacare has on their business and how much it would cost them. And also the impending Tax on the rich.  What businesses will do now will be to try to expand their businesses without having to hire any employees.

That is from NPR--not FOX.


The political commentators went on to say that Obama played better politics and that is how he won.  They said that he took the national conversation away from his dismal four year record and focused his energy on negative attack ads on Romney.  Character ads that made him out to be a bad person.  Especially in places like Ohio.  They even admitted that he never talked about what he would do in the next four years.

Like I said, these are not my words. You can go back and listen to Talk of the Nation and hear the same words I heard.


So what does this mean?

They suggested a possible deeper recession.

Bring it on.


I'm off--to plant my garden, buy a gun and to Costco to stockpile some food.

That is how much I believe in HOPE & CHANGE.

Spy on the Mormons

Have you eve wanted go to a Mormon church just to see what it really is about?  Not that you want to join, you just want to be an onlooker.  But you don't want to go because someone will see you, or the missionaries will talk to you, or you just dont want any attention brought to you.

Well, Now is your chance!

Twice a year Mormons across the globe gather in front of the TV or computer for General Conference.  The leadership of the church both men and women, speak on varied topics. There are two sessions on Saturday at 9 am and 1 pm and then again on Sunday, 9am and 1pm. That is AZ time.  But you can always watch the recording.

So if you want to spy--no one will know. And then you get to see what us crazy Mo's believe.

Here some topics you will probably here:

Don't view pornography
The world is lacking in moral values.
Read the scriptures.
Families should spend more time together.
Mormons should spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ is our Savior.
Repent and do better.
Strengthen your marriage.
Be a better neighbor, community member and friend.
Stand up for what you believe.
Dare to stand alone in your beliefs.
Be an example of the believers.
Youth should choose modesty and follow church standards.

So just go.  Check it out.  If you know anyone who dogs on Mormons--tell them to spy.  Most people I know who talk bad about the church don't know much about it.

So watch, you'll hear good messages from good people with good intentions. And probably here a funny story--we Mo's like to laugh.

LINK HERE

or

HERE

Dear France, THANK YOU

DEAR FRANCE,

THANK YOU!!

SINCERELY,

ME

You could read my statement and think that I want to stick it to the rich, because they have the money and should be  handing it over for the good of the country.

WRONG

I want to say a BIG FAT THANK YOU to France.  Because this is going to be the case study of the century.  Economists at Universities all across the country er, the world, are biting their nails in anticipation of what happens next. 

Because you slap a 75 percent tax on the wealthy and business and what happens?  The wealthy and the business leave. In droves.  Because guess what, if I am rich enough to be slapped with that tax, I am also rich enough to take my money and my business across the border to say,  economically stable Germany perhaps?  Or even relocate to South America--where business is growing like crazy.

I bet other European countries are just giddy with excitement.   Much like colleges court the most talented of High School football players--sending in their recruiter with promises of this or that just to get them to cross the border to their university--so will be the countries trying to win over France's disgruntled rich.

Mark my words--the rich will flee.

And hopefully, just hopefully, America will get it.

If they pull their head out of their asses long enough to read the paper.

F.M. Radio

I yell at the radio. EVERY MORNING. I talk outloud in my car and the kids says--"Who are you talking to?"

I'm talking to the radio. The hosts of NPR's morning edition have had some words from me. Well, more it's the people the are talking to, and most importantly--what they are talking about.

This morning's edition: Politics.

 I am starting to call it Anger 2012. At least that is what it is for me.

Today's piece was on businesses leaders on opposite ends of the spectrum, one that ran and op. ed article in the Washington Post and another who took out a full page ad in the Times.

 The ad read--if "Obama is elected I am going to shut down my business and lay off my 12 employees". They interviewed him and he told a story of how he built the business he has and has worked his butt off for, and with Obama's idea of taxing the rich--they will be taking 50% of what he makes. That pushes him over the edge.

 The other man's piece supported Obama's taxing of the rich. Stating that Jesus took care of the poor and that is our duty. He had received Government grants to put him through school, therefore the Government is good

. . . and that is when I yelled at the radio.

Being a good Jesus follower myself, I agree--Jesus wants us to take care of each other. But since when does that mean through the Government? Jesus also wants us to freely give of our time, talent and yes--MONEY. But forcing the rich to pay the government more than everyone else in the name of "helping our fellow men"--not what Jesus had in mind. Did he read the Bible? Jesus is not too keen on corrupt Governments. Who do you think killed the man? And no one is going to get into heaven stating that they paid their taxes. Come on, for real??

And yes, I think our Government is corrupt.

 Does the first man hate the poor and want to squish them under his feet? No. Actually I don't know his opinion, they didn't ask him. But I tell you this--what I know of the wealthy are not those kind of people, although the media and Obama's political team would love for you to think that.

Remember my degree from college--Non-Profit Health and Human Service Administration. Those stiff and formal words mean--I know about taking care of the poor--and the sick--and the unfortunate. And all of those places exist because of . . . THE WEALTHY. *GASP!* Those horrible people that make so much money and keep the little guy down. They provide funds to establish an entity that allows collaboration among horrible rich men and the normal middle class and the poor man. Together they to help those who need it most. And their financial books? Public record. And if you don't like what they are doing--you go down to the board meeting and say so. Or you take your time, talents and MONEY elsewhere. It provides a choice. And throws red tape beaurocracy out the window.

People need to see that those left wing hippy socialists and the right wing capitalist pigs and anyone in between actually agree on that the poor need help.

 They just differ on who should provide it.

 And me? Where do I fall? The government has it's role and place--limited but also essential. Let the rich, poor and anyone in the middle be taxed equally so no one can cry foul to the other. (flat tax people--and get rid of the Tax season)

Increasing tax on the rich will cause two things.
1. The rich will leave the country (as evidenced in France)
2. They will give less to non profits--who are far more efficient and effective than the government at taking care of those in need.

Both will hurt our country, create more need by loss of jobs, and excacerbate the current state of those in need.

Why does the Government think that because someone makes a certain amount of money--then they are entitled to part of it? Does that scare anyone else other than me? The Government could someday choose something I own or earn and say they are entitled to it "for the greater good". And if you think the government won't--you have been duped by the powers that be.

Wow. I feel better now. And I didn't even make it too long. That is just one thing that got me talking to the radio.

 Don't even get me started on the national debt. 6 trillion in four years, when all of the previous presidents combined spent 10 trillion. Does this not scare the pants off of anyone else than me? How is that possible? Who can spend that much--and on what??

 Oh no, I said don't get me started.

There are times when I think that my kids will only remember my scolding, and reprimanding. And then sometimes, I find pictures like this one. And I think--maybe times like this will trump all the others. Cuz--this is a good one.

I can cure warts!

My oldest daughter had a big patch of ugly warts on her knee--and although she didn't notice or care, I knew that someday she was going to absolutely HATE them.

So while I was at a well visit about 2 years ago I asked the Nurse Practitioner what to do.

And she gave me a natural remedy.

And it totally worked!  We have used it so many times and it's worked on all three girls and Hyrum.

I'm too perfect to have warts ;)

Check out my natural blog HERE to find out what we did.

Did you know the governor has a summer reading program? If your kid reads 5 books from her list then they get free admission to the AZ Science Center.

Check it HERE.

Mi Amigos sweet deals!

People!!!!  Mi Amigos is hooking up some sweet deals for their 35th Anniversary.

Support your locally owned restaurant (my brother in laws! :))

Go.

Spread the word.

Eat.

Love it.

Spread the word some more.

If you can't read the flier then go  here:

http://www.miamigos.com/58.html

I have sharing time on tithing tomorrow, and as usual I have so far prepared .. .um . .


NOTHING.

Any ideas out there?

You say it Reagan

Stuff

My Canadian photography friend posted this on her blog--and I have heard it before, but loved to see it as a reminder.

“We invest a great deal in the acquisition of stuff. Companies bombard us with slick, relentless propaganda as to why we must have their stuff and judge an individual’s success by their stuff’s sheer quantity and supposed quality. I like stuff. I especially like the word stuff. But consumption never was creativity; it brings few lasting satisfactions and can bring burdensome debts. Stuff beyond our basic needs does not liberate. Consider the overall investment of your time. You have to shop for stuff. You have to clean, maintain and organize stuff. You lose stuff. You look for stuff. You polish stuff. Secure it against theft, trip over it, recharge it, upgrade it, accessorize it, pack it, move it, unpack it, insure it, fix it, and eventually sell, trash or bequeath it. Stuff has no use beyond this life and it takes a lot from us. Very much unlike stuff, knowledge has few such liabilities. Knowledge does not depreciate but grows deeper, stronger and more valuable with each use.”
                        - Shawn W. Miller, BYU Devotional, August 3, 2010 (punctuation altered)

I am blessed to have many friends who subscribe to this way of life.

I am not a stuff person.  In fact, my poor kids have often asked where their toys went--because they just up and disappeared on them.

I hate paying for bullcrap. Toys, clothes that kids will outgrow, Pajamas--does anyone else hate paying money for pajamas??

But what I will spend a bazillion dollars for is memories.  Road trips, camping, outings.  Now that to me is where I have to watch myself with money.

We are still in the middle of trying to buy a car. I just can't bring myself to spend that much money on a vehicle.  It seems ridiculous.

The only thing that I have realized that is going to make me do it----road trips. Having a car with no mileage on it, a good engine and a warranty.  So in short--memories.

That major deciding factor on which vehicle we choose--cargo room. How many coolers and suitcases can we fit back there??

I am already planning our east cost trip for next summer, and the West coast to Canada trip for the summer after that.

I love the reminder this quote gives me. 

Now I am going to go throw away some STUFF.

Fuse

My girls are performing and it's AWESOME. You should go.

Bahhahaaa

I didn't hear the conversation leading up to this--I just heard this:

 3 year old cousin: "My buttocks"

 Kizzy:   "You're butt talks????"

Ford Flex

Does anyone know someone who owns one of these? And do they like it? I'm considering this instead of the minivan. Let me know.

Ballet shoes?

Does anyone have a pair of these lying around? About size 12 or 11?  Josie lost one of  hers and her dance performance is Saturday and I am NOT going to buy her a new pair.

Mothers Day Video

I had a great mothers day, minus when I was napping and was awakened with a wet washcloth tossed on my face and a giggling 3 year old. 

Watch this sweet video.

Sup with me?

hey Jill--what's up with you?

Well, thanks for asking

We went camping with friends and that was beyond loads of fun. We went swimming in freezing cold water and laughed our butts off, and sent the kids to bed early and sat around having fun adult time until the wee hours.  See marlo's laughing it's so cold face. We had a created the 1 minute club and you had to stay in up to your shoulders for  one minute.  That is one long minute.


Then we came home and Hyrum got a migraine so severe that he had to go the ER (this was his first trip for a migraine), so we spent all sunday night until 3:30 a.m. there.  The doc was talking to him about it and then she asked what he did for a living, and when he replied nurse she said, "well why didn't you say so? Here I am talking to you like a baby."  And then gave him the low down. She was great.  And then the nurse that was taking care of him said that he should have mentioned that he worked for one of their hospitals and we could have been hooked up with a room faster---isn't that random?  It's like getting a good table at a restaurant.  The only thing good about Osborne hospital is they have a cool hot chocolate machine--why did I know this?

OH-because one week prior I was in the same Emergency room with Beck and his head that was split open. Not clean split--big chunk missing split.  ceiling fan. Luckily he slept through the whole stitches thing.

OH, so anyway, on the way back from best camping trip ever, the ol' '94 Suburban starting making rattling noises.  But not at high speeds--so when we got home I took it to the mechanic, and it is something to do with the air conditioner. Which was fully replaced two years ago.  Lame.  So now we have to spend more money to fix the same thing.  And it needs new tires.  So that is over a grand, so we thought maybe we should buy a new car. So we looked into how much our suburban would be for trade in.  $216.  BAAHHHHAHHHAA  Isn't that crazy?

So we decided just to keep the burb for life because it doesn't cost that much to register or insure.  But then we need to buy a new car, because that thing is almost 20 years old and the other car isn't going to last forever either--so we need to stagger them.

Yeee--ikes!! Cars are so flipping expensive. Well, if you need to have 6 passengers. And minivans--if you want a good reliable one, like Toyota or Honda--those puppies hold on to their value. So a used one is only a few thousand less than a new and it has tons of miles on it. And there aren't very many for sale. UGH.   I looked for a used one and I would have to pay $13,000 for a car that has almost 100,000 miles on it. Ridiculous!  And we haven't had a car payment since 2004. And it makes me want to vomit having one.  So we may get a new car, like brand new. And I think that is bratty and weird and I don't like the idea of it. Because then I will care where I park and what the kids eat etc. etc.

I called my friend who is a Dave Ramsey follower as well, and talked to her about it. And she tried to go used too, but it ended up being  a better deal to get a new one.  I told her I thought it was bratty to have a brand new car and asked her if I was old enough to own a brand new car. And she said, "Newflash. You're old."  So apparently I am old enough.  It still seems weird though.  I blame this weird feeling on my father--damned penny pincher.  I inherited that which is mostly a blessing, but sometime a curse because I don't like to spend money much.

Hyrum asked what I wanted for mothers day and I said I'd rather have money in the bank than a present.  Pretty lame of me eh?

There is more, but I"ve talked enough already

Wishing for super powers

Dear Punk teenage kid,

 You are so lucky that I don't have super powers. I was at the stop light and saw you in the passenger seat, flipping all of us traffic the bird while your friend blatantly drove through a red arrow. And yes, you would have had so much crap running down the back of your leg--onto your friends seat, that he would have dumped you off on the sidewalk--and fast. You are exactly the reason I invented my super powers.

 xoxo Me

Unions

Sorry, I have to go political again--but a phone call set me off.


First off--I was raised with a Father who worked shift work. They were unionized--I think it did wonders for his job and career. I remember as a kid taking food to the strikers at the picket line.

So I have always seen Unions as a good thing.

Until recently. What I've read and seen--makes me stuck.

I don't like the unions that I read about. The City of Detroit is drowning financially and they have unions protecting the workers from any changes. The city is bankrupt--and they can't do anything. Does it suck to get laid off or cut back? Yes. But it is what happens when there is no money left. Not even no money left,--up to your eyeballs in debt.

And theirs isn't the only story.

I also know someone who is a manager at a local factory that hasn't been outsourced to China. Unions came in and the workers took a vote and said, "no thanks, we're good". Guess what the union did? Sued them, and lost. So what did the Union do then? Add more charges to keep the company in court.

I just got a phone call with a very meticulously worded script from the "Taxpayers of america" or something of that sort. Through her thick southern accent she told me something about local fireman and police losing their ability to make decisions to protect my family. And she asked if that concerned me when my family was affected. And then I realized--you are trying to scare me. And you are not from Arizona. So I politely told her that I wanted to get more information.

And that's what I want. I think it's union thing from what I know. I believe in Unions taking care of their workers and creating a fair wage system and benefits. But I don't believe in unions promising unsustainable provisions for their employees on the backs of the taxpayers. Like a lot of cities across the U.S.

So I'm stuck. Are there good unions left? Somewhere?

And I want to give a tip for people trying to do phone solicitation for politics. If it's legislation that you are trying to meddle in out of state. Don't hire people with thick southern accents to call the west.

It doesn't work

Lenka

Lenka is my new favorite artist. Check her out on Panodra or Spotify.

This is one of my favorite songs:

Somewhere about Montana

Do you remember my mental breakdown and spontaneous trip to Washington? I never followed up with that. I am really mad that I didn't do it, because my post would have been a lot more detailed and something that I would have like to use as a journal entry. Anyhow,



It was somewhere about Montana. I can vividly, vividly remember in my mind what it looked like out the window, in the middle of nowhere--when it kicked in. It was amazing. It was seriously like a taking a drug--i looked over at Hyrum and said--"I'm good", and I was. I didn't ever take any meds, or even drink caffeine or meditate or anything. We just drove and drove--and the therapy of seeing new country that my brain didn't recognize--cured me. U.N.B.E.L.E.I.V.A.B.L.E.

We had the best trip ever. I wish I could have everyone look through my pictures and I could tell stories of getting donuts in Provo, buying the kids coats because we didn't own any, and surprising my friend in Idaho and her letting us crash on her floor, and the cute headband she knitted me, and the picnic at the rest stop in Montana, or driving through gorgeous open Montana, and then gasping at the beauty of Northern Idaho (amazing!!), it snowing on us as we drove, and meeting a friend and her fun family for the first time in real life, and eating apples off trees in an orchard, and seeing Temples along the way, and staying in a hotel--just once so we could, and surprising Hyrum's sister in Boise, and having breakfast with a photographer friend at Kneaders, and realizing that ORE-IDA fries is named that because the factory sits directly on the OREgon/IDAho border, eating at Chuk-a-rama in Provo with friends, and then cruising on home totally cured.

It was the best thing I've ever done. When we were in Idaho I called my brother and told him about our trip because he was the one person I knew would get it. Because he takes more trips than me. He told me that other people don't get him either--when he takes trips. It's just what we do. It is our medication.

And a good and effective Medication it is.

Dear Hilary

Dear Hilary Rosen (democratic strategist),

Seriously? You said that Mitt Romney's wife, "never worked a day in her life". That makes me want to punch you in the face. She raised 5 boys. Why is it that when a mother stays home to raise her children it's not considered work, but when a mother chooses to work outside the home and hires a nanny-it's called a job? PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

xoxo Me

p.s. you need to watch Mona Lisa Smiles and listen to the best line delivered ever by Julia Stiles.

Coolest Video Ever

You HAVE to watch this. And show it to your kids.

And then watch the making of. Awesome. Jelly Beans.

Parenting Fact: I am not my mother

Parenting Fact: I am not my mother

In my memory I rarely can recall a time when my mother lost it. In fact after in light of my morning (you will soon learn of) I was trying to think of examples.

I came up with one.

My brother and I asked my mom not to sing so loud in church--and that hurt her feelings, so she took us home and we bolted from the car and she chased after us and as we ran down the hall a conservative high heel came flinging after us--nailing my brother square in the back.

That is all I have, and I hold on to that memory with both hands to prove that--even the calmest most patient of mothers CRACK.

Now, I already mentioned, I am not my mother. And although no shoes were flying at my house this morning. I CRACKED.

Most people would describe me as laid back and chill. But here is an insight I have found true with myself and my other friends whom I would describe as "laid back" or "chill". We snap. And when we do--duck and cover.

I think it is possible that every parent has a child that . . . well . . . makes them . . . crazy. My other three kids combined don't make me CRACK like this kid does. Ironically enough she is also the one that is the biggest party, first to laugh--and the most quick witted. I guess that isn't Ironic--it's telling.

This morning. She did it. I lost it. And it was her, of course, that I lost it on.

I'll spare you the details but it involved her whining, trying to distract me with conversation so that I wouldn't notice her not working, hiding under her covers, disappearing and not answering to my calls, grabbing some clothes and marching out of her room and flinging on the floor and running, hiding in the suburban in the garage. Oh--all while fake crying (with actual tears--she's nailed that) and mumbling words like "little kids" " so unfair" "why me".

We barely made it to school on time. The only reason it ended is that I told her that she didn't have to finish what I had asked her to do. Yep you heard me. I wasn't about to keep going on like this.

Her consequence for not doing it--I am taking away all of her clothes for the week and I will be choosing her outfits. That got a big "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" from her. Not a sassy no, but an oh please no. She frantically started picking up clothes and I informed her it was too late. OH, and you're banished from TV for the rest of the week.

So the sobbing continued. As I pulled up to the school she asked if she could stay in the car for a while and compose herself before getting out. Wrong time to ask missy. The last thing I am going to do right now is let you sit in the car with me so you can recover from your fake cry. "NO. Get out"

"You're SO mean!!" is the last thing I heard as she walked away with her backpack.

As I drove away I felt awful. I felt a bit heartless. Mostly for the part that I didn't tell you about, which was when I drug her from the garage to her room and tossed her in and told her to clean it or else.

But like I said, I am not my mother.

When days start out like that I am amazed that one kid has so much ability to make me CRACK over something like cleaning the clothes up off her floor.

So I get home after dropping her off and I am so riled up I don't want to start doing all of my chores. So I plop down on my computer chair and start reading email and checking other sights, and then I think that Pinterest might clear my mind so I start perusing.

I see a pin by one of my friends that said something like: "How to connect on the most difficult days" Bingo. this is it. The wisdom I need right now. I go on to read the article which offers me nothing. One tip was to walk away when you get angry. Too late. I didn't walk away. And does anyone? Not helpful. So I came up with my own parenting tips for days like this:

My parenting tips for when your kid makes you CRACK:

#1 Go Ape Shit on them. If you aren't familiar with this term--it's when you crack and go crazy. Do irrational things like take away their clothes for a week. Often threaten things that later you will regret when you realize it will be more of a punishment for yourself by having to administer your threat. Raise your voice. Dig your fingers into their arm, drag them with their toes barely touching to their room. Growl.

#2 Stand back and marvel at the miracle that it takes only one child and probably only about a few minutes to wipe out an entirely inspirational Sabbath that you had the day before. Thus resulting in your unashamed use of the word "Ape Shit."

#3 Throw something. Punch Something. OR Break Something. I suggest you don't do something that requires housework on your part, or something you might regret later. Pick a toy of your child's that you want to get rid of, but you feel bad every time you try to get rid of it. That is pretty satisfying. Or an egg--smash it in your sink, it feels good and you just rinse it down the garbage disposal. Or Spaghetti noodles. Empty the whole box into your hands and break it in two. It feels good--and you are one step ahead for dinner.

#4 Make a goal to enjoy the punishment you decided on. Consider making really odd and silly outfits for the child to have to wear in public. (HMMM--CAN they wear their underwear outside of their pants? Is that against dress code?) Warning: may result in more fake crying.

#5 Make whatever you want for breakfast. Previous behavior may have had something to do with your propensity to get low blood sugar. And if you happen to flip your egg over in the pan and the yolk breaks, just get slightly pissed and chop it into little tiny pieces with the spatula--TAKE THAT STUPID EGG!. Fry yourself another egg.

#6 Make some hot chocolate and sit down at your computer and write a blog post of Parenting Tips. *consider expanding it into a Book of Parenting Tips

#6. Feel much. MUCH. Better

If only

My dad recently forwarded an email to me in which he was corresponding with his friend. I don't recall the details, except for the he made mention of how their was talk around the country when JFK was running for President, some people feared the Vatican would run Washington. And apparently there is talk, and hub bub around some parts of the country that if Mitt Romney became President, he may be taking direction from Salt Lake.

So as I was showering (most of my blog posts are a result of my thoughts while showering) I dreamed up what it would be like if the President took direction from Salt Lake.

Our country would look like this:

Government

The entire nation would be broken down into small geographic boundaries by neighborhoods.

There would be local leaders appointed from each of these areas. They would be appointed form approximately 5-7 years. And they would work to serve and lead that area. They are not paid for this position. They would do this work in addition to the normal job they already have. Let's call them Shmishops.

Each neighborhood would be blocked together with approximately 5 other local neighborhoods and there would be another set of leaders to address the local needs and serve the individual neighborhood leaders and the group as a whole. They also do not get paid. These leaders are able to tailor their care and attention to the specific area they are in and address any local needs as far as welfare, assistance, volunteerism is concerned. Lets call them a Shmake Presidency.

The grouping of the country continues up into specific areas which that have additional leadership, until the whole country is accounted for.

Every 6 months these areas come together and the leaders are presented before the neighborhoods and all people who live in that area get to give a vote of confidence to them. If anyone in the neighborhood has a serious issue with them concerning their leadership--they will be able to voice their opinion. And at this 6 month meeting of the neighborhoods each leader is to get up and give speeches on values, service, and American Patriotism.

These leaders are expected to have high moral character and lead by example. If anyone is found to not follow high standards they are dismissed at once and replaced with someone else from the neighborhood.

Stewardship

As part of belonging to the neighborhood--each adult in the neighborhood is given a volunteer position. Actually, usually 2-3 volunteer positions.

Every adult woman in the neighborhood has two other adult women in the neighborhood who visit her once a month and check on her physical and mental state and bring her a message with a positive message. If this woman needs help, these two assist her and if it is beyond their means--they inform the neighborhood leadership who then take other action.

Every household in the neighborhood is assigned two men who visit them monthly. Very similar to the women's assignment. These men (one of them might be a youth) visit the home and bring a message of values and moral character, and offer to help in anyway needed. They might mow a lawn, take out the trash, or help level a garden. There job is to serve and to assist. Again, if there is an issue or problem within the home that they can not attend to, the inform the neighborhood leadership.

Welfare

If during these visits these volunteers notice that a household is struggling with basic needs, it is reported to the Shmishop and he assigns other volunteers under his stewardship to take action.

The household is able to get a food order that they take to the local government warehouse. In this warehouse the family is able to get food basics, milk, bread vegetables. There is no soda, candy bars or other extravagant items. This is a nutrition based program.

If the family has suffered a recent job loss and have exhausted all of their financial means and are in desperate need they may request financial aid from the Smishop. The Smishop then can take funds collected from the neighborhood and pay certain necessary bills for a short period of time. Rent, utilities, phone. These funds will be taken from the local neighbors TAXES.

The person who receives this aid is directed to the neighborhood employment specialist. This person can aid in resume writing, jobs searches and other related programs.

Again---this is to aid temporarily if the person is able bodied.

Helping the Poor

Once a month the entire country over the age of 8 is asked to go without food or water for 24 hours or two meals and donate the money they would have used to a fund for the poor.


TAX

Flat tax rate of 10%. Everyone pays their fair share, poor and rich alike. This money is used to run government programs, buildings and aid in helping local needs.


BUDGET

The country will run with no debt, and is required to have a financial reserve.

Due to the volunteer nature of the country--this is possible.


Disaster Preparedness

Every member of the country is asked to have a 72 hour emergency kit.

Every member of the country is asked to have a 2 week supply of water and a 3 month supply of food in case of disaster.

Youth and adults are asked throughout the year to be involved in service projects to benefit disaster relief. Create emergency kits, blankets etc.

Major Occurrence of a Disaster (hurricane, tornado, flood)

First, all neighborhood leadership accounts for neighborhood members within 24 hours.

Needs are assessed and neighbors pull together to help one another.

For needs beyond a neighborhood's abilities, the Disaster Relief Specialists come in and work with local leaders.

These Disaster Relief Specialists are made up by well trained, older volunteers who are retired from their professions. This program taps into the vast amount of skills sets and knowledge of these retirees and puts them to use. Since it is a volunteer program things work much more efficiently with much more compassion than the current Federal Response System.

2 years of Service


All 19 year old men will be strongly encouraged to give 2 years of service. This service can be with the military, local non profit organizations, or international organizations. They will not be paid, in fact either they themselves or their families will have to pay a monthly fee for them to be involved. They are to live by strict rules including no intimate relations, a strict dress code and expected to exemplify integrity and American values. They must wake up at 6:30 a.m. every morning and study the constitution and other American documents for an hour each day and be in bed by 10:30 P.M.. They are to service selflessly and incorporate a strong work ethic in the area they are assigned. If any servicemen do not follow these rules they are sent home.

Girls age 21 may also participate in this program. It is encouraged for these girls prior to turning 21 pursue an education or trade prior to their service.


Children age 0-11

Meet weekly and receive lessons once a week on values such as integrity, honesty and service. Program is run by adult volunteers. They also learn music and are involved in quarterly fun activities.

Teens 12-18

Meet weekly for activities with others of their age group. Adult volunteer leaders are to create positive relationships and set good examples of service and integrity. These activities can range from hiking, camping, to service and culture, to special guest speakers from local Police, Fire, Education System and so forth. The Youth plan each activity which is supervised by the adult leaders.

Each Youth is required to give multiple hours of service and set goals to work toward an award that is overseen by adult leaders.

Once a year each youth is asked to give a speech in public on a topic of values, service, integrity etc.


The Way I see it:

I really could go on and on. I actually wrote this weeks ago and happened to just see this today in an article in the Washington Post:

This week, a trio of sociologists from the University of Pennsylvania and Indiana University-Purdue will release a new study that captures just how deeply committed Latter-day Saints are --not only to their own faith, but to their wider community. According to this independent and robust study of churchgoing Latter-day Saints, Mormons are the most “pro-social” members of American society. Evidently, an average church-attending Latter-day Saint provides more than eight hours of volunteer labor a month compared with the average American’s contribution of about one hour per month. Even when all of their considerable service within the church is extracted from the data, Latter-day Saints still equal the national average for volunteering to secular causes. SOURCE

My degree is in Non Profit Health and Human Services. I have yet to find an organization that is as efficient and effective as the LDS church. Say what you will about Mormons not being Christian, or that Joseph Smith fella but one thing is clear--as a global social organization--it is unmatched.


So what I have to say about a President--ANY PRESIDENT listening to Salt Lake . . .

IF ONLY

Yep

Did anyone else see an overweight bald man pick up a hooker last night, less than 1/4 of a mile from their house?

NO?

Hmm. I guess just me.

I found a reason

My husband is a runner. I don't want to be. I don't really like it. But he read this book once and it talked about this race where they invited these indigenous Mexican? or South American? people to run this 100 mile race or something. And these amazing runners were getting schooled by these people. And the people would pass them and be laughing and joking like they hadn't been running 100 miles. They ran because they loved it.

And if I run, it HAS to be for the fun of it--otherwise I don't want to do it.

So I've found a reason to run.

The Color Run
January 2013

It's what's underneath

I am voting for MITT.

I hesitate a bit at saying that because politics is so heated and I don't like to debate. I love to say my opinion, but if you give me a face to face debate, I will lose. I am not a quick thinker. I do find myself witty and clever, but I turn more to sarcasm than I do facts and figures. And usually people who want to debate, want to debate to hear themselves talk--not to actually listen to what I have to say. So I can put it on my blog--and you can add your opinion to my comments, absolutely. But I don't have to debate. Because mostly by the end if you are debating me--I just end up thinking you are an a-hole.

I don't like politicians.

I don't like Politics. I don't like politicians. I don't like what it does to people. And really--when they debate are any of them actually saying what you think they really want to say? NO. They are saying general statements and trying to balance positions so they can get elected. And that will never change. It's ugly.

Mitt is a politician.

Don't think I'm going to say he's not one. He is. They all are. I also like Ron Paul--but he is also a politician. I think he has the best ideas, but I don't think the American public would ever go for that--because the majority are . . . well .. . idiots. And they would prefer America borrow until we go belly up so that no one gets their feelings hurt.

It's not because he's Mormon.

I'm not voting for him because he's Mormon. Although I have to say it has some influence on me. Why? Because I know that being Mormon, he believes that America is a choice nation--divinely destined to be so (it's in the Book of Mormon). That as long as it's people turn to God it will be protected. I also know that every morning and every night that man will get on his knees and pray that he may be guided to make the right decisions. That matters. He may not make the right decisions, but at least he's pleading for help from God--the only being who could actually do something.

It IS because he's a business man

I don't want someone who studied political science. I don't want someone who has book knowledge and not practical knowledge. I want a businessman. I want someone who is going to turn our business around. America is a business--face it. Someone who will assemble a team of "executives" who can look at our books, cut what needs to be cut, fix what needs to be fixed, and focus on what is going well--and make it better. It won't be pretty. I want someone will face the ugly--and force some change.

So behind the ugly politician, behind the Mormon, behind the bruhaahaa is a man--a man who did this:



In July 1996, the 14-year-old daughter of Robert Gay, a partner at Bain Capital, had disappeared. She had attended a party in New York City and gotten high on ecstasy. Three days later, her distraught father had no idea where she was.

Romney and the other parnters closed down the entire firm and asked all 30 partners and employees to fly to New York to help find Gay's daughter. Romney set up a command center at the LaGuardia Marriott and hired a private detective firm to assist with the search. He established a toll-free number for tips, coordinating the effort with the NYPD, and went through his Rolodex and called everyone Bain did business with in New York, and asked them to help find his friend’s missing daughter. Romney's accountants at Price Waterhouse Coopers put up posters on street poles, while cashiers at a pharmacy owned by Bain put fliers in the bag of every shopper. Romney and the other Bain employees scoured every part of New York and talked with everyone they could .... prostitutes, drug addicts – anyone.

That day, their hunt made the evening news, which featured photos of the girl and the Bain employees searching for her. As a result, a teenage boy phoned in, asked if there was a reward, and then hung up abruptly. The NYPD traced the call to a home in New Jersey,They found the girl in the basement, shivering and experiencing withdrawal symptoms from a massive ecstasy dose. Doctors later said the girl might not have survived another day. Romney's former partner credits Mitt Romney with saving his daughter’s life, “It was the most amazing thing, and I’ll never forget this to the day I die.”


Don't believe me? I got it from Snopes. The entire article is worth reading.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/romney/search.asp




THAT is a man I want for President.

It's not real so stop

Please everyone stop pinning images like this. THEY ARE NOT REAL.

Well, I guess some of them are real, but I would say they aren't REALISTIC.

It's been driving me crazy for some time now. Because not one of the people who post these--look like this, or at least I haven't noticed one.

So that means everyone out there posts these to remind themselves of what they "should" look like, or at least aspire to.

Let me tell you--at my fittest in college I was tiny. I had a six pack if I flexed--well a 4 pack, for some reason I could never find the bottom two. I remember asking my boxing instructor how to get rid of the little layer of fat I had just below my belly button, and she said--you can't--you are a woman and it is there for a purpose. But I still tried.

I didn't have a body image problem, I ate as much as I wanted, and exercised because I loved to but I still wanted that six pack.

Fast forward to now. I have had four kids. I still have the same frame--haven't gained an inch past my all time high of 5 feet.

With every child I layered on some---dare I say it--- FAT!! *cringe* (Please sense my sarcasm)

Am I fat? No. I am tiny, but I do have a gut that sticks out over my jeans that often prompts people to ask if I am pregnant. I also have got that weird muscle thing that sometimes happens to pregnant women, where their muscles spread apart and don't go back--that contributes to what I lovingly refer to as my "beer gut"

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I know people refer to me as tiny and many people wish that their only problem was a beer gut and slightly thicker thighs. I want everyone to know that I do not look like that picture nor will I ever.

Even at my most fittest since my four kids--I weighed 113 and was working out regularly and eating well--I looked nowhere near this picture. I wish I would have taken a picture of myself just so I could post it. I was strong and healthy. And had I taken that picture, I doubt it would have been pinned as a strong and healthy body.

There were no ab muscles in site, and plenty of cellulite on my thighs and rear. And don't forget those lovely stretch marks.

So my point here is mostly to give up. (wow I'm a motivator!) But seriously--if this is your goal--give up. The only people I've ever seen that look like this post baby--are eating nothing, have a messed up body image, are taking some weird synthetic chemical ("it's not synthetic--it come from a pig"--someone actually told me--um, gross) or they straight up need to sort out their priorities.

Don't expect to look like this--is it possible? Yes probably, but seriously--women are given fat--yes FAT--that word again, so that they can protect and provide for those wonderful babies they are lucky to carry.

So embrace it. Bring back the Marilyn Monroes. Be curvy, be soft, be a woman.

You can be this--and be healthy and strong.

Either way--be REAL--istic.

On failing and winning

I am failing. On so many random things as a parent I am failing.

My children as of late have chosen marker on walls as their aim to break my sanity. MULTIPLE TIMES. Even my Kindergartner has joined in. I've loaded their tongue with Tobasco sauce. So far it's worked for one. The other--I caught writing on their new Kitchen set. The only markers we have are my 9 year olds and I bought her a lock box to keep them in. But they sneak out, and somehow directly into the hands of the three year old.

I am done. I am done not being able to keep anything nice. I want--and need--to buy a new couch but I can't. Because it will end up with marker and piss and greasy wiped fingers. Add in goldfish crumbs, crusts of bread and who knows what else.

I know that someday people say I will miss this. But I don't think so. I may miss messes on the floor, and stumbling upon legos and forts. But I WILL NOT MISS my children ruining things.

Last night, I caught my 5 year old jumping up and down on their little toy cat piano thing that has the microphone. An expensive toy. So I snapped. Straight up snapped. I grabbed her little arm and layed her on her back and put my foot on her and starting poking her with it all over (not painfully--just enough to make my point) and I threatened to stand on her and jump up and down like she did the cat piano. She saw the crazy in my eyes. I told her that if she was going to treat toys like that I was going to treat her like that. I put her in her bed and she snatched her blanket and had the biggest "Oh my crap my mom has lost it and is probably going to kill me" look in her eyes. And I had. Not kill--but possibly doing something absolutely nutsball (oh wait, I just did)

Did I mention that Josie put her knee through a window the other day? Her older sister was outside and taunting her so she tried to "kick it" with her knee. I thought boys broke windows--not tiny little girls. But she did and a GIANT SHARD of glass fell out and landed on Annabelle's foot. It should have straight up sliced it in half, but it just made a deep cut on the top--only a few centimeters wide. Counting that as a blessing. Luckily I didn't have to punish her. She felt HORRIBLE--worse than if I did anything to her. And she learned--don't kick windows. So we are getting a new window---a full new EXPENSIVE window, because our windows sucks SO BAD it wasn't worth just replacing the pane.

The list goes on. My kids are good kids. At least I think so, but seriouslY?? marker on walls EVERYWHERE?

And scriptures? What? Try having your kid mock you while you are explaining how important the scriptures are and how they should listen. BLOOD BOILING. And then you are supposed to have prayer after that?? My kids pray everyday for me to be patient. my kids keep asking to have Family Home Evening--and I just can't do it. We used to have it regularly, but now that Hyrums work has changed, it's just me and the kids. And I will LOSE IT if I attempt it. So I don't. Not recenty anyway.

The only thing that keeps me from going APE DooDOO on them is my one victory this week. Annabelle who is almost 10 was telling me about this boy at school she says is "kind of an enemy", she says they aren't totally enemies, they just insult each other. So I said, "sarcastic?" and she said "kind of but he says mean things to me". But she is telling me this like it's hilarious. And she tells me a story this kid made up about how she became a ghost and he squashed her or something. And she busted up. She could care less. That girl has the confidence that I always hoped my kids would have. She says that he makes up things and tries to insult her or bug her, or say quasi-mean things. I asked if it was joking, and she said--not really. But she was generally amused at the whole thing.

So as my record as a parent recently

8-1

The randomness streaming from my head

So many things, so absolutely random.

First. Watch this it's super cool.




second.

I was randomly thinking about p0rn stars the other day. And thinking--do they have fathers? They biologically have fathers but do they have Dads? Is it something where their dad didn't love them so they became one, OR they do it secretly, OR they do it openly and their parents are horrified, OR are there some crazy loon Dads that pipe up when others dads get together bragging about their kids, . . . my daughter has 5 kids, my daughter is a physical therapist, my daughter is a dolphin trainer, then pipes up to those and says, "My daughter is a very famous p0rn star". ---cricket chirping--- And what if their dads looked at P0rn and were looking around and found their daughter's work? ---um----- This is world is messed up people. M.E.S.S.E.D. UP (and apparently so is my brain that I think of stuff like that)

third

So that reminded me of a story I think I might have told once, but I am going to tell it again. I was on a flight on a Southwest airline--sitting in that section that as three seats on one side and three seats on the other and they are facing each other. I was with my college buddies and we were returning home from visiting a friend in another city. I was reading and LDS book called, "Why say no when the world says YES" It was about abstinence until marriage. So some early 30's dude across from me jovially said "Why says no when the world Says Yes huh?" And being that I am as comfortable with strangers as I am with friends, I took it as an invitation. We bantered, and jokingly jabbed at one another for 10 minutes or so. Of course he was taking the world's side while I was defending mine. And then I said, "Do you have a daughter?" He said, "Yes I do, she's 12" And I said, "Well, would you rather her live the way I live or live the way you live?" And he smiled in defeat "the way you live". And that was it. I saw out of the corner of my eye a stranger smirking. I wish I had that on video.

fourth

If you plan on mailing citrus to anyone--get the priority mail boxes and the post office that have the price already set no matter what you fill it with, because if you don't you'll pay over twice as much for shipping. Those things are heavy.

fifth

If you want to become more organized--buy one of those dymo label makers. It will make you want to organize stuff just so you can put labels on the containers. Well, at least, that is how it is with me.

sixth

I have decided that my word for the year is SIMPLIFY

In practical terms it means "Throw crap away"

THAT I can do. I like to make reachable goals. It makes me feel successful.

Downton

Downton Downton Downton!!!!!!

So soon!!!

huzzah!!!!!