Wishing for super powers

Dear Punk teenage kid,

 You are so lucky that I don't have super powers. I was at the stop light and saw you in the passenger seat, flipping all of us traffic the bird while your friend blatantly drove through a red arrow. And yes, you would have had so much crap running down the back of your leg--onto your friends seat, that he would have dumped you off on the sidewalk--and fast. You are exactly the reason I invented my super powers.

 xoxo Me