On failing and winning

I am failing. On so many random things as a parent I am failing.

My children as of late have chosen marker on walls as their aim to break my sanity. MULTIPLE TIMES. Even my Kindergartner has joined in. I've loaded their tongue with Tobasco sauce. So far it's worked for one. The other--I caught writing on their new Kitchen set. The only markers we have are my 9 year olds and I bought her a lock box to keep them in. But they sneak out, and somehow directly into the hands of the three year old.

I am done. I am done not being able to keep anything nice. I want--and need--to buy a new couch but I can't. Because it will end up with marker and piss and greasy wiped fingers. Add in goldfish crumbs, crusts of bread and who knows what else.

I know that someday people say I will miss this. But I don't think so. I may miss messes on the floor, and stumbling upon legos and forts. But I WILL NOT MISS my children ruining things.

Last night, I caught my 5 year old jumping up and down on their little toy cat piano thing that has the microphone. An expensive toy. So I snapped. Straight up snapped. I grabbed her little arm and layed her on her back and put my foot on her and starting poking her with it all over (not painfully--just enough to make my point) and I threatened to stand on her and jump up and down like she did the cat piano. She saw the crazy in my eyes. I told her that if she was going to treat toys like that I was going to treat her like that. I put her in her bed and she snatched her blanket and had the biggest "Oh my crap my mom has lost it and is probably going to kill me" look in her eyes. And I had. Not kill--but possibly doing something absolutely nutsball (oh wait, I just did)

Did I mention that Josie put her knee through a window the other day? Her older sister was outside and taunting her so she tried to "kick it" with her knee. I thought boys broke windows--not tiny little girls. But she did and a GIANT SHARD of glass fell out and landed on Annabelle's foot. It should have straight up sliced it in half, but it just made a deep cut on the top--only a few centimeters wide. Counting that as a blessing. Luckily I didn't have to punish her. She felt HORRIBLE--worse than if I did anything to her. And she learned--don't kick windows. So we are getting a new window---a full new EXPENSIVE window, because our windows sucks SO BAD it wasn't worth just replacing the pane.

The list goes on. My kids are good kids. At least I think so, but seriouslY?? marker on walls EVERYWHERE?

And scriptures? What? Try having your kid mock you while you are explaining how important the scriptures are and how they should listen. BLOOD BOILING. And then you are supposed to have prayer after that?? My kids pray everyday for me to be patient. my kids keep asking to have Family Home Evening--and I just can't do it. We used to have it regularly, but now that Hyrums work has changed, it's just me and the kids. And I will LOSE IT if I attempt it. So I don't. Not recenty anyway.

The only thing that keeps me from going APE DooDOO on them is my one victory this week. Annabelle who is almost 10 was telling me about this boy at school she says is "kind of an enemy", she says they aren't totally enemies, they just insult each other. So I said, "sarcastic?" and she said "kind of but he says mean things to me". But she is telling me this like it's hilarious. And she tells me a story this kid made up about how she became a ghost and he squashed her or something. And she busted up. She could care less. That girl has the confidence that I always hoped my kids would have. She says that he makes up things and tries to insult her or bug her, or say quasi-mean things. I asked if it was joking, and she said--not really. But she was generally amused at the whole thing.

So as my record as a parent recently

8-1