To a Father from a mother

I've been taking the marriage and family relationship course at church. We had two lessons recently. One devoted to motherhood, the other to fatherhood. Today being father's day I thought both of them applied.



The following came from the article: "To The Fathers In Israel" by President Ezra Taft Benson

Early in the history of the restored Church, the Lord specifically charged men with the obligation to provide for their wives and family. In January of 1832 He said, “Verily I say unto you, that every man who is obliged to provide for his own family, let him provide, and he shall in nowise lose his crown” (D&C 75:28). Three months later the Lord said again, “Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken” (D&C 83:2). This is the divine right of a wife and mother. While she cares for and nourishes her children at home, her husband earns the living for the family, which makes this nourishing possible.

In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect the wives to go out of the home and work, even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting may have to be tighter.

Also, the need for education or material things does not justify the postponing of children in order to keep the wife working as the breadwinner of the family.

I remember the counsel of our beloved prophet Spencer W. Kimball to married students. He said: “I have told tens of thousands of young folks that when they marry they should not wait for children until they have finished their schooling and financial desires. … They should live together normally and let the children come. …

“I know of no scriptures,” President Kimball continued, “where an authorization is given to young wives to withhold their families and go to work to put their husbands through school. There are thousands of husbands who have worked their own way through school and have reared families at the same time” (“Marriage Is Honorable,” in Speeches of the Year, 1973, Provo: Brigham Young University Press, 1974, p. 263).

Brethren of the priesthood, I continue to emphasize the importance of mothers staying home to nurture, care for, and train their children in the principles of righteousness.

As I travel throughout the Church, I feel that the great majority of Latter-day Saint mothers earnestly want to follow this counsel. But we know that sometimes the mother works outside of the home at the encouragement, or even insistence, of her husband. It is he who wants the items of convenience that the extra income can buy. Not only will the family suffer in such instances, brethren, but your own spiritual growth and progression will be hampered. I say to all of you, the Lord has charged men with the responsibility to provide for their families in such a way that the wife is allowed to fulfill her role as mother in the home.

As I was doing dishes this morning I realized something I really had never thought about. I have a lot more earning potential with my college degree than Hyrum does, or at least before he got his first degree in Psychology. When I got pregnant with our first daughter, Hyrum was still in school for his undergraduate. He had years to go. And honestly, I cried and cried when I first found out. I was scared. I was the breadwinner, what were we going to do? And after she was delivered and I took her home, I cried every day for a month. I did not have post pardum depression. I wasn't depressed. I cried because I thought I had to go back to work and I was going to have to drop my baby off with someone and leave every day. I had a degree, I could make WAY more money than he could, and he could get through school faster that way. But I couldn't do it. Could. Not. Do. It. So I told him. I can't remember the conversation. But what I do know is that I haven't worked since, not to provide anyway. I've been able to mother. Full time. How I've always wanted to. How the Lord wants me to. We've lived tight for years. My parents take us to Costco every once in a while because they feel sorry for us. Our cars were made in the 90's and some of the doors don't work right. My kids have never been to Disneyland. They don't get to take dance. I could go on and on. Being broke is worth every missed penny. I wouldn't change it for the world.

So, on this Fathers Day, I want to say thank you to my wonderful husband who is an amazing Father. Who listened to the counsel of the prophets, and listened to me and my heartfelt desires.

and let me be a Mother.

And also to my own Father, who did the same for my mother.