Cruel Jokes

I'm 38 weeks today!!!!

So as I was awake last night from 4-5:30 I was thinking about random cruel jokes of pregnancy.

#1 How do doctors expect you to pee in a cup when all you see is this



#2 Ways to induce labor--

Castor oil? No thanks, I'd prefer to not have my tongue coated in funk and have uncontrollable diarrhea

#3 Ways to induce labor--

Nipple stimulation . .. really . . . like anyone wants to "roll nipple between thumb and forefinger"

#4 Ways to induce labor--

Getting busy. Again---cruel joke--I already feel like I have to pee every two seconds--that doesn't relieve the pressure

#5 Sleeping

I choose to look at night time sleep as a series of 1 1/2 hour naps with bathroom breaks

#6 Patience

Wait . . . what patience??? I have really good children, and I still want to ring their little necks

#7 Swollen feet

They got so bad yesterday that the bottoms were swollen. I can actually shake my left foot and feel the fluid moving around inside like jello.

#8 Body temperature

Seriously . . . is summer over yet???

#9 Getting dressed

You just hit a point where even the biggest maternity shirts just aren't covering it. I'm down to cotton capri short thingies and t-shirts I borrowed. Can I wear that to church???

#10 Progression

You could be at a 1 cm and 10% effaced and go into labor that day. Or you could walk around at 4cm and 90% effaced for weeks. Why bother checking? It's just ups the anxiety.

Overheard

I was checking my email as Hy was putting the kids to bed and this is what I heard:

Hy: Josie--don't put that in your mouth, you could get electrocuted

Annabelle: If you get shocked can you see your bones? . . . . You know like sometimes in movies you can see your bones.

Hy: No that's just in cartoons

yook at my powish

All Kizzy can say today is "Yook at my Powish". Translation: "Look at my polish". My girls always bug me to paint the nails. I am just not that girly, and it makes me super frustrated.

Last night I went to a play and a college student from my ward crazily agreed to watch them. Thank you thank you thank you Kimri. Lucky for them, last night she polished their nails. And they can't stop talking about it. So I think she now takes the cake on all time coolest babysitter.

As for my day today. My feet are still swollen from the super hot, leg constricting, time I spent at Gammage. Not cool. So I keep trying to elevate my feet, which makes me sleepy, and the kids don't like it when I sleep in front of them. They like to throw books at my head. Not cool. And when I finally got Josie glued to the TV, and Kizzy fell asleep, then my peepers popped wide open. Again, not cool.

So I'm done with being pregnant, hot and puffy. And it's 1:00 and I haven't had lunch . . .

Yes Please

Um, yes please, I will take one of those



And one of those



OOh, and this




Just a bit of this too please




Actually, just give me few yards of each of your fabrics please.

Photobooth . .. Thursday?

Ok, so I forgot. But then I came home from Young Women's on Wednedsay and had an this e-mail from Hy:

We read a "Friend" (lds magazine for kids) story about Saints sailing from England to America who were almost attacked by pirates. It was about praying and how we should pray as often as we can. The story prompted these responses:

The Juice: Do horses say prayers? (followed by an imitation of what it might sound like if a horse were to pray)

Red knowingly concluded: Pirates don't say prayers

Yay for the Dentist!

I should have taken pictures, but I didn't. But I wanted to share anyway. All of the girls have been to the dentist . . . and liked it. We got referred to Kids First Pediatric Dentistry by our pediatrician, and turns out---, one of the dentists--Tyler Carter---Hy knew from diving in high school, and I knew him from my college days (his pre-mission days).

The practice is on Queen Creek/Gilbert. Not close to me--but I figured--what does it matter? How often do you go to the dentist anyway? So we went--and were so happy. I've been to a crusty pediatric dentist office before, and it was miserable. This was clean, new, bright and fun. Tyler was awesome with the kids--and they got new toothbrushes--Dora, which they loved, and also a token to put in a machines that had trinkets.

So if you're looking for a good dentist for your kids. Check him out.

Photobooth Tuesday

Recipe for a kid party:

1 Pregnant napping mother
1 can of Sunkist soda
1 can of Strawberry Fanta
1 Mac Computer with Photobooth
2 Mischievous girls

Instructions:

Wait for pregnant/exhausted mother to fall asleep on couch. Sneak past into fridge and get Sunkist and Fanta from fridge. Sneak back past sleeping mother to office. Open sodas and create proof of rockin' kid party on Photobooth. OH, and don't forget to 'Cheers!'

The Juice Speaks

Me: Juice--pick up that napkin from under the table. I can't get it.

The Juice: You can't get it? Is it because your butt's too big?



After I requested that The Juice do something . . .

"Mom I just want to follow my heart"

translation--I just want to do what I want to do

1sts

What Red's 1st day of 1st grade looked like:



Unfortunately her new shoes didn't fit, so she had to wear her old ones. Luckily she's too young to care.

Photobooth Tuesday

Can your kid do this?




I didn't think so.

Kids Say

Red and The Juice were trying to decide on a name for one of their dolls.

They would go back and forth with ideas:

"Bon?" "Jara?" "Sniffy?" "Kama?" etc. etc.

Then Red said:

"How about Toot?---as in---Toot in your face."


(Um what? As in Toot in your face? I'm great at manners)



Then yesterday we went to Mi Amigos and they were crawling under the table, and not eating their food. Squoosh ran from me in the parking lot twice--and my pregnant body had to run after her while she laughed. GRRR

So we got home and they wouldn't come in the house they would wander around as I kept telling them to come in, ---they totally know that I empty threat when I'm pregnant and I can't do much about it. So they finally make it into the house and I"m tired and beyond pissed so I sternly tell them:

"Don't ask for treats or snacks or anything---you don't deserve it. You are all being disobedient and sassy and I'm done with you. I'm so angry right now--stay away."

The juice from afar off says "We love you miss Hannigan"

I should have been pissed at that but she's 4--and that is super quick and funny. That actually calmed me down a bit. That kid is funny.

Bang it

What in the world could made The Juice any cuter?????


Bangs---cool European short and choppy bangs



For more shots of Bangs --shot with my fab new camera, Check here.

Clarity

Did anyone else get this Target magazine in the mail?

Is it a girl?

It it a boy?

Is it a mom?

Is it a kid?


Really--Hy and I had this conversation. Then later, Red picked it up and said "Is this a boy or a girl?".

Good Question.

Photobooth Tuesday

This child has just slid into a solid first place in the favorite child category. She has been sweet and helpful and super funny.

I concur

I have been a lazy blogger of late. So I thought I'd drop a little post.

Remember my post about the immodest paper doll?

I got a comment from Johnna (thank you) with a link to a Segullah article.

Read it.

I concur---completely.