Still a superhero

Remember THIS POST where I talked about my ideal superpower?
Well it's still my favorite. But as I was sitting in traffic school I realized I needed a lesser power. It could be very effective in multiple situations.

I want to be able to make people be thirsty. That dry scratchy sort of thirsty that makes you not be able to talk.

What the? How is that a superpower and how/when when that be needed?

Oh, think about it.

#1. Traffic school. Ask anyone who has had to go (like me recently) There are stupid people there who WON'T QUIT TALKING. Their offense isn't sever enough to make them diarrhea their pants. LIke the lady who kept insisting that she was there because the cop was bored. REally? bored? I don't think cops can pull you over for NO REASON out of pure boredom. What would the offense on her ticket say? And the young dudes who kept asking questions about DUI laws, like they were trying to get away with it. One of then also suggested that cops pull you over just because you are a teenager. Um, dear young sir, I can tell by your incessant talking that you are a d-bag and thus must be doing something stupid enough to be pulled over for, so shut it. And the lady who suggested that she couldn't get a ticket while speeding if she was "going with the flow of traffic". Seriously. You are all stupid. Now if I could just make them extremely thirsty and their throat scratchy, then they wouldn't ask any more questions. Perfect.

#2 Testimony Meeting. nuff said

#3 Teenagers at the local park that are "F" dudes. Seriously, if you want to drop the F bomb every other word--go home to your dungeon and play your video games and drop like mad. Just not around my kids. d-bags.

#4 Politicians. All of them. Donkey or Elephant.

I could go on and on. Notice around you. You'll find use for my superpowers.

However, I have realized that I don't have superpowers because I would probably use them for un-righteous causes. Like when the cop pulled me over. I probably would have given him diarrhea.

Now that's not nice.

Not an honest Superhero

Tonight Fieldwork Phoenix called to see if I qualified to do a study. So the lady asked me all kinds of questions pertaining to cold medicine and I gave her every answer I thought would get me into the study that pays $125. Then randomly at the end she asked:

"If you were a superhero and could have any superpower, what would it be?"

So I blocked my initial answer--which I've put much thought into and responded:

"My superpower would be to be able to sense when my kids were in danger"

Which is true--I'd like that superpower, but it's not THE superpower I have decided upon with much consideration.

My real one is an inappropriate superpower.

If I could have any superpower it would be to have the ability to cause a person to have sudden and uncontrollable explosive diarrhea.

Why would that be useful? Well consider these situations:

The lady at the restaurant who is talking much too loud on her cell phone and disturbing your night out. Bam--taken care of

The jerk on the freeway who is zooming in and out of traffic with no regard to anyone's safety. Bam--he's got to pull over--and quick

That person in line at the store who is being a jerk to the cashier--Bam, no time to be a jerk--gotta go.

And don't get me started on ACTUAL criminals. How can a person do a drive by with crap in his pants??? He'd be kicked out of that car for sure. A car full of crapped pants = no drive by.

So many opportunities present itself. I find myself on many occasions saying . . .

if only . . .