Poll

Is it wrong? . . . a hypothetical poll:

A child of yours that has been blatantly disobedient all day and pushing all of your buttons goes into a room that you forbid her to go into (for the umpteenth time that day) and tries to shut out her sister. Then when the sister tries to push her way in and the mother comes and says "open it" she then continues to put all her weight against the door, is it wrong to reach through the small crack in the door, grab her by the hair and pull her out said opening?

This is purely hypothetical.

No children were injured in this hypothetical scenario.

Not a Saint

So . . . often I read blogs where I think--man this mother has it together. She bakes, and reads to her kids, keeps her house clean and doesn't complain about her husband or children. I bet she doesn't swear either. Then I think, either she's lying or just trying to be really really positive.

Then today happened and I thought---what would that mother have done when:

Baby squoosh was wearing a ballet outfit (comando) and said "I poops". I knew she didn't because she for some reason won't poop directly on to cloth. So I took it off and sat her on the toilet. She said "I'm done". Which means--I pretended and that was fun so I'm getting down now. Being that she did nothing into the toilet I put a diaper on because poop was a coming soon. Then I walked away, then I came back and there was Baby squoosh-----

naked, standing on a stool in the bathroom (luckily) with mushy soft pooh running down the back of her leg onto the stool where giant pile was, then running down the stool leg onto the WHITE rug where another giant pile was. I swear it was 4 days worth although she pooped yesterday.

so I go yell some shocking sort of "Oooh nooooo" and grab her and stand her in the tub, as I was in the process of that I get pooh on my exercise shoes. Then I go blank--where do I start? Right then The juice runs in right through the middle. "AAAAHHH GET OUT!!" "DONT' STEP IN IT!" Then I grab the ENTIRE box of wipes and start cleaning up Squoosh's mooshy back side/leg/foot. Then I pile those nasty beasts on the floor and start putting water in the tub, but then I have to rinse down the residual first and Keep Squoosh from stepping in it. Meanwhile my pregnant nose is going nuts trying not to gag. Then The juice comes running in again narrowly missing the beasts on the floor and I snag her arm (not very softly), turn her around and yell "There is $*#@ everywhere! Get out!!!" Then I turn around and some other profanity starts on my lips, but I bite it back. "GGRRRRR!!!!" Then I get the bathtub going. Then I wipe the crap off of my shoes as well as I can. Then I run out and get a grocery bag to collect all of the crap filled wipey beasts. Then I try to grab/smoosh the crap off of the stool into the bag with the wipe. It's an old wooden stool with crevices---yuck. I proceed to wipe it off the leg. Then there is the giant mooshy pile on the white rug. Wipes, wipes and more wipes. It take a deep breath and hold it while I pile all the nasty wipey beasts in the trash bag so I don't get a whif and dry heave.

I leave my almost two year old ALONE in the bathtub UNATTENDED while I run the nasty crap filled bag the the garbage. I come back to the bath, she's enjoying her lovely solo bath lying back with only her face above water. Good, she's good, now it's the rugs. I leave her AGAIN, and with two fingers grab both bath mats and take then outside. Come back and grab the stool. She's playing and enjoying herself so I go outside, turn on the hose and spray the crap off of the rugs and the stools. Luckily it comes off without me having to touch it. I love the power of a sprayer.

I come back in and wipe the bathroom down with a clorox wipe--including my shoe. But the bathroom still smells like a poop explosion. I get Baby Squoosh out and put a diaper on her and TAPE IT ON. Although I know there's nothing left inside--it would be impossible.

So later, and I calm down and everything is sanitary again I think---what do mom's who don't use profanity do in that situation? I would have loved to watch my saintly Relief Society President--who really seems genuinely just good and kind--take care of that situation? Because as hard as I suppressed it, I couldn't help but swear. And I've been doing really good at not swearing. But seriously--poop and lots of it. How was I supposed to be chill about that? So I started thinking about what my friends would do--and realized they would swear too. Maybe I need saintlier friends. And I thought, what would those blogging moms do about this? I guarantee if they wrote about it it would be in some sort of cheery tone, or not written of at all.

So I'm here to let you all breathe a nice sigh of imperfect relief.

I am NOT a Saint.


P.B. (Post Blog) Not more than 1 minute after I posted this--Baby Squoosh walked in with a crap filled diaper (I guess it wasn't impossible) But that puppy was still securely taped on.

Score:

Baby Squoosh 1

Mom 1

The results

I had planned on not finding out with this baby. But Hy found out and so the tech put the picture in my file. When the doctor came in for my appointment, this picture was on top and me made a comment something like:

"He's quite proud of himself"

And I sat there shocked because

A) I didn't want to know

B) No way-I'm having a boy . . . what do I do now?

I think it looks like he sat on a photocopier. Funny.

Translator

When Hy and I put the kids to bed at night we take the time to catch up, read scriptures and take time off as parents. Often, our children don't dig this idea. We usually lock the bedroom door and they talk to us from the space at the bottom. Sometimes we get communications slipped to us.


Here is one:

Can you translate? Give it a try before you read the bottom.







Figured it out? The picture says "I want Mommy"

The next says:

"I want mommy. I can't sleep. I can hear dogs bark. Sincerely, Annabelle."

Annbelle is "Red" I was too lazy to scratch it out. She's an excellent artist. She does Spalding at school so she spellls everything phonetically.

p.s. That picture got cut off and I'm too lazy to reload it. Either blogger or Photobucket hates me. I'm not sure which

Look at me look at me

I'm on my photography teacher's blog.

She can make anyone look good.


Yay!!!!!

Random Highlights

*Today The Juice showed ME how to do something in Itunes. What????? She's 3.

*Hy cleaned out the garage so I can park in it. Yay!! No hot car seats.

*Red asked me today if she could wear her jeans lower like Caitlyn at school. She already has low rise jeans. So I said well, you can as long as your butt crack doesn't show. So she lowered it, and her crack showed. So I asked does Caitlyn's crack show? She said yes and I told her no one wants to look at that because that is where poop comes out. Her response: "Not from the top." So I told her no crack and she left her jeans where they were. ----Seriously? She's 6 . . . I'm in trouble. Luckily due to my genetics we'll never have this conversation about cleavage.

*The Juice has an imaginary friend and she used to live in China--but we've been notified that she now resides in Canada. Canada???? China I get because it is in cartoons, but where did she learn about Canada???

*Squoosh keeps taking off her diaper. So I just let her because I'm too tired to chase her down.

*I haven't gotten out my maternity clothes yet so it's really depressing getting dressed because nothing fits.

*I have 5 little tomatoes growing on my tomato plant. Hooray!! It's just in a pot because I didn't have time to make a garden. Maybe next year.

*I have not been able to hear out of my left ear for 3 weeks. I tried all sorts of natural cures and nothing worked. So I went to the doctor. I have an ear infection. So now I'm on an antibiotic. Lame. I hope it works. You have no idea what it sounds like to hear yourself brush your hair or eat cereal. Super annoying.

*I've randomly been able to keep up on my household chores. I don't know why, but I'm loving it. I just hope it keeps up.

*I'm loving the cooler weather. This is the best spring ever.

Which one?

This one:



Or this one:

(This one is actually two, a blue/tealish or a pink)




Also, does it matter if your master bathroom jives with your bedroom? Because the first absolutely does not, the second one would if I chose pink.

Think me---not what you would pick for you.

To see more pretty cool stuff check out Wrapables.

Playing favorites

I know I'll never have a favorite kid. Well, not one all the time. But right now. She is my favorite. Tomorrow will probably be different. But today it's her. Even though she takes her diaper off. For some more shot like these look here.

Spendy McSpenderson

Has anyone else already spent their economic stimulus package?

We're about half way through it and of course it doesn't come for another few months.

The lame thing is that what we got was new tires for the Suburban and new brakes for the Honda.

Not so stimulating.

Get my work done day

Today is the day I get crap done.

Goals: Taxes---yes, taxes

2:12 p.m. Taxes done, e-filed, and printed. I wish I had done them earlier to let all those out there who are super poor that they can file for free by going to irs.gov, freefile, and choosing turbotax freedom edition.

Fold girl's laundry from days ago

2:12 pm Also done, thanks Hy for the help

Kill all 50 flies we counted on our ceiling last night

2:12 Haven't counted, but I think I'm done to about 10, but then again, the back door got left open. (We have NO screens on windows or doors---that's why so many flies)

Do some laundry

2:12 Pm 1 Load done, one to be transferred


Highlight of my morning:

Using my awesomely suction powerered dyson to vacuum up two flies while there were . . . well . . . . um . . let's say . . . mating.

MWAAAA-HHAAA-HAAA-HAAA

2:12 pm Squoosh went down for a nap around noon-ish, didn't nap, but did take off her diaper and pee in her bed. NOT AWESOME

Plum Tuckered

Poor Hy. He was so tired from working all night. He said he almost rear ended someone on the freeway and he swears his eyes were open. Then I talked to him on the phone to keep him awake and he said "Oops I just missed the drive way" Then he came walking in all glassy eyed and stoned looking. He was swaying and almost falling over. So i had him sit down and eat breakfast while I went to take a shower. Then I realized I need a towel from the laundry so I came back out and this is what I saw. Red took this picture.

I shook him and said "wake up" and when he finally lifted his head, he opened his mouth and still had food in it. Poor thing. So then I left him awake and took a shower. When I came out he was asleep on the floor at the foot of the bed. He didn't even make it to the bed, so I had to wake him up again.

Sad Sad Hy.

p.s. he doesn't remember any of this

Swingset

We got the girls a swing set and they love it. I love it. So I asked Red, "Do you like your new swing set?"

her response:

"I love it so much I want to glue my butt to it"

MOOOOO-MOOOOOOO

I need help. I'm already hot and it's not even that hot outside. So being that I'll be pregnant and miserable this summer I've decided that I will wear one of two things this summer.

!. Swimsuit

2. Muumuu

So I'm looking for a hip muumuu. Any ideas? There has to be something out there with the way fashion is all tent-y. The muumuu I have pictured is a little too slim fitting. I basically just want something that has a neck and balloons out from there to increase air flow.

Send me some links if you've ever seen anything remotely like that. Or keep you eyes peeled at stores. The muumuu will be mostly for around the house, unless I can find a cute one. Come one, you all know it sounds inviting.

What's in the weeds

Answer: Red

We went outside in the backyard and Red said: Look at me. And we couldn't see her. Then she popped up out of the weeds. They are that bad. So now look closer at the other picture. Can you see her?

Riddle

What do you see in this photo?

Yep this is OUR backyard.