It's not real so stop

Please everyone stop pinning images like this. THEY ARE NOT REAL.

Well, I guess some of them are real, but I would say they aren't REALISTIC.

It's been driving me crazy for some time now. Because not one of the people who post these--look like this, or at least I haven't noticed one.

So that means everyone out there posts these to remind themselves of what they "should" look like, or at least aspire to.

Let me tell you--at my fittest in college I was tiny. I had a six pack if I flexed--well a 4 pack, for some reason I could never find the bottom two. I remember asking my boxing instructor how to get rid of the little layer of fat I had just below my belly button, and she said--you can't--you are a woman and it is there for a purpose. But I still tried.

I didn't have a body image problem, I ate as much as I wanted, and exercised because I loved to but I still wanted that six pack.

Fast forward to now. I have had four kids. I still have the same frame--haven't gained an inch past my all time high of 5 feet.

With every child I layered on some---dare I say it--- FAT!! *cringe* (Please sense my sarcasm)

Am I fat? No. I am tiny, but I do have a gut that sticks out over my jeans that often prompts people to ask if I am pregnant. I also have got that weird muscle thing that sometimes happens to pregnant women, where their muscles spread apart and don't go back--that contributes to what I lovingly refer to as my "beer gut"

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I know people refer to me as tiny and many people wish that their only problem was a beer gut and slightly thicker thighs. I want everyone to know that I do not look like that picture nor will I ever.

Even at my most fittest since my four kids--I weighed 113 and was working out regularly and eating well--I looked nowhere near this picture. I wish I would have taken a picture of myself just so I could post it. I was strong and healthy. And had I taken that picture, I doubt it would have been pinned as a strong and healthy body.

There were no ab muscles in site, and plenty of cellulite on my thighs and rear. And don't forget those lovely stretch marks.

So my point here is mostly to give up. (wow I'm a motivator!) But seriously--if this is your goal--give up. The only people I've ever seen that look like this post baby--are eating nothing, have a messed up body image, are taking some weird synthetic chemical ("it's not synthetic--it come from a pig"--someone actually told me--um, gross) or they straight up need to sort out their priorities.

Don't expect to look like this--is it possible? Yes probably, but seriously--women are given fat--yes FAT--that word again, so that they can protect and provide for those wonderful babies they are lucky to carry.

So embrace it. Bring back the Marilyn Monroes. Be curvy, be soft, be a woman.

You can be this--and be healthy and strong.

Either way--be REAL--istic.

On failing and winning

I am failing. On so many random things as a parent I am failing.

My children as of late have chosen marker on walls as their aim to break my sanity. MULTIPLE TIMES. Even my Kindergartner has joined in. I've loaded their tongue with Tobasco sauce. So far it's worked for one. The other--I caught writing on their new Kitchen set. The only markers we have are my 9 year olds and I bought her a lock box to keep them in. But they sneak out, and somehow directly into the hands of the three year old.

I am done. I am done not being able to keep anything nice. I want--and need--to buy a new couch but I can't. Because it will end up with marker and piss and greasy wiped fingers. Add in goldfish crumbs, crusts of bread and who knows what else.

I know that someday people say I will miss this. But I don't think so. I may miss messes on the floor, and stumbling upon legos and forts. But I WILL NOT MISS my children ruining things.

Last night, I caught my 5 year old jumping up and down on their little toy cat piano thing that has the microphone. An expensive toy. So I snapped. Straight up snapped. I grabbed her little arm and layed her on her back and put my foot on her and starting poking her with it all over (not painfully--just enough to make my point) and I threatened to stand on her and jump up and down like she did the cat piano. She saw the crazy in my eyes. I told her that if she was going to treat toys like that I was going to treat her like that. I put her in her bed and she snatched her blanket and had the biggest "Oh my crap my mom has lost it and is probably going to kill me" look in her eyes. And I had. Not kill--but possibly doing something absolutely nutsball (oh wait, I just did)

Did I mention that Josie put her knee through a window the other day? Her older sister was outside and taunting her so she tried to "kick it" with her knee. I thought boys broke windows--not tiny little girls. But she did and a GIANT SHARD of glass fell out and landed on Annabelle's foot. It should have straight up sliced it in half, but it just made a deep cut on the top--only a few centimeters wide. Counting that as a blessing. Luckily I didn't have to punish her. She felt HORRIBLE--worse than if I did anything to her. And she learned--don't kick windows. So we are getting a new window---a full new EXPENSIVE window, because our windows sucks SO BAD it wasn't worth just replacing the pane.

The list goes on. My kids are good kids. At least I think so, but seriouslY?? marker on walls EVERYWHERE?

And scriptures? What? Try having your kid mock you while you are explaining how important the scriptures are and how they should listen. BLOOD BOILING. And then you are supposed to have prayer after that?? My kids pray everyday for me to be patient. my kids keep asking to have Family Home Evening--and I just can't do it. We used to have it regularly, but now that Hyrums work has changed, it's just me and the kids. And I will LOSE IT if I attempt it. So I don't. Not recenty anyway.

The only thing that keeps me from going APE DooDOO on them is my one victory this week. Annabelle who is almost 10 was telling me about this boy at school she says is "kind of an enemy", she says they aren't totally enemies, they just insult each other. So I said, "sarcastic?" and she said "kind of but he says mean things to me". But she is telling me this like it's hilarious. And she tells me a story this kid made up about how she became a ghost and he squashed her or something. And she busted up. She could care less. That girl has the confidence that I always hoped my kids would have. She says that he makes up things and tries to insult her or bug her, or say quasi-mean things. I asked if it was joking, and she said--not really. But she was generally amused at the whole thing.

So as my record as a parent recently

8-1

The randomness streaming from my head

So many things, so absolutely random.

First. Watch this it's super cool.




second.

I was randomly thinking about p0rn stars the other day. And thinking--do they have fathers? They biologically have fathers but do they have Dads? Is it something where their dad didn't love them so they became one, OR they do it secretly, OR they do it openly and their parents are horrified, OR are there some crazy loon Dads that pipe up when others dads get together bragging about their kids, . . . my daughter has 5 kids, my daughter is a physical therapist, my daughter is a dolphin trainer, then pipes up to those and says, "My daughter is a very famous p0rn star". ---cricket chirping--- And what if their dads looked at P0rn and were looking around and found their daughter's work? ---um----- This is world is messed up people. M.E.S.S.E.D. UP (and apparently so is my brain that I think of stuff like that)

third

So that reminded me of a story I think I might have told once, but I am going to tell it again. I was on a flight on a Southwest airline--sitting in that section that as three seats on one side and three seats on the other and they are facing each other. I was with my college buddies and we were returning home from visiting a friend in another city. I was reading and LDS book called, "Why say no when the world says YES" It was about abstinence until marriage. So some early 30's dude across from me jovially said "Why says no when the world Says Yes huh?" And being that I am as comfortable with strangers as I am with friends, I took it as an invitation. We bantered, and jokingly jabbed at one another for 10 minutes or so. Of course he was taking the world's side while I was defending mine. And then I said, "Do you have a daughter?" He said, "Yes I do, she's 12" And I said, "Well, would you rather her live the way I live or live the way you live?" And he smiled in defeat "the way you live". And that was it. I saw out of the corner of my eye a stranger smirking. I wish I had that on video.

fourth

If you plan on mailing citrus to anyone--get the priority mail boxes and the post office that have the price already set no matter what you fill it with, because if you don't you'll pay over twice as much for shipping. Those things are heavy.

fifth

If you want to become more organized--buy one of those dymo label makers. It will make you want to organize stuff just so you can put labels on the containers. Well, at least, that is how it is with me.

sixth

I have decided that my word for the year is SIMPLIFY

In practical terms it means "Throw crap away"

THAT I can do. I like to make reachable goals. It makes me feel successful.

Downton

Downton Downton Downton!!!!!!

So soon!!!

huzzah!!!!!

Holiday Wishes

For those of you not on the mailing list:

Dear girl in Michaels

Dear tall and too skinny girl in Michaels,

When you bent over to look for paints on the bottom shelf and exposed your lavender lace g-string--it took all the restraint in the world for me to not reach out and snap it. Seriously? Your nerdy brother was right there and could probably see it. Gross. And if that is your boyfriend and not your brother--you need to get another boyfriend because he looks like he could be your brother.

Happy Holidays.

Sincerely,

Me

p.s. G-strings were so late 90's

Dowton Abbey

Just saw on PBS that Downton Abbey 1st season will be showing Sunday nights at 9 pm here in AZ starting this Sunday.

I am going to watch it again--this will make my 3rd round.

Why not?

The Christmas Story

I'm loving this Christmas story told by kids. My kids loved it too.

For those who are waiting

For those of you who are waiting--I wanted to share this.

This is our new TV. This is the first one we've purchased in our entire marriage. It's the first one I've purchased in my life--I am 36. We've always had hand me downs--and when we upgraded--it was because we got a new hand me down.

We have a lot of stuff like that--like our mattress. We've never had a new mattress, it was always given to us from someone. And now that I say that outloud it seems gross--but we were very particular I assure you.

And it's hard to watch your friends get cool stuff--even just normal stuff like mattresses, and to not be able to get one yourself.

Hyrum worked extra shifts to buy this--and he's wanted one for years---YEARS. But we work hard to not be frivilous with our money. Many a person has helped us out here and there financially, or with service and we could never justify purchasing something that seems to me extravagant as it would be a slap in the face. Until now. We actually have money in the bank--and that is beyond amazing. We paid cash for this. And it didn't come out of any budget allotted for anything else--it was a special purchase.

And it feels good to be able to do it.

So for those who are waiting--in neverending school, or with a new baby, or in that apartment that is too small and in a sketchy area--your time will come. When the time comes you may be in your mid thirties and buying something that seems to be a big deal to you--when it means so little to others. But it will feel good--real good.

To me things are always better when you have to sacrifice--and wait.

Besides--it makes for a great story.


Post Script: As I was reading my entry after I posted it I noticed my hilarious picture. Is that rabbit ears on top of my band new TV??---why yes it is. We are frivilous enough to buy a new TV--but not enough to pay for Cable. Bahhaaa! You can take the girl out of the ghetto but can't take the ghetto out of the girl.

Mischief

Zeek had a good time on photobooth--he even made himself my desktop wallpaper.

Saturday Night

Nothing to do Saturday night? Go here. It's at Mesa High. It's going to be super fun--I've seen some of the rehearsal and I'm excited.

It's the Final Countdown--da na neer neer da na ner ner neer

And the answer is . . . .Season 2 premier!!! I was going to wait and see if anyone figured it out, but I was too excited. So excited I rewatched season 1 on Netflix.

Don't know Downton Abbey? Well you should.

Watch Downton Abbey Season 1 Episode 1 Preview on PBS. See more from MASTERPIECE.

It's the best drama mini series. If you like any of the BBC Masterpiece classics like Pride and Prejudice--you'll love this. This one has more going on though.

It will suck you in. The acting is magnificent, the plot lines are well thought out and criss crossing. And the characters, you'll hate some, love some, feel sad for some, and excited and frustrated and so much more. It's witty and clever and --well--I could go on and on. It seriously is the best.

You can stream it on netflix. I just rewatched the whole series and it was even better the second time because I picked up on more details. And I learned that some local stations are rebroadcasting the first season before the second one arrives so check there.

Just a heads up--if it's already 9:30 and you think you going to be able to watch just one episode . . . so wrong.

You'll be on episode three at 1 a.m. telling yourself that you can probably still fit one more in before going to sleep.

But do it--even if you have to suffer through grogginess the next day.

For those who have watched it---the teaser for season 2!!

Watch Downton Abbey Season 2 With or Without You Preview on PBS. See more from MASTERPIECE.

If you go to the site there are more. MORE!!

It's coming!

It's soon!

This is a picture of the countdown calculator you can find on the web page for it.

January 8, 2012.

You ALL should be so excited.

I am

What is it???

(Cicily you don't get to guess because I already told you)

It's been a while

My kids used to spend lots of time on photobooth, but then they stopped. They just renewed their love for it. And it's funny. Maybe only to me--but it's still worth a watch. You'll at least think they're cute.

Buy local

My good friend Kizzy as a very talented husband who makes cool stuff.

So if you are going with a "Made in the USA" Christmas--check here.

Stuff for iPhones, iPads and some cool toys.

A local blogge did a post about him CHECK IT.